An interesting phenomenon has been occurring this week. I have been in several social situations and in each one, I was keenly aware of not feeling like the biggest person in the room. Now let me be clear: in at least a couple of those situations, if not all, I still WAS the biggest person in the room. But I didn't feel so -- unwieldy. In the past, in social situations, I was keenly aware of my size and did everything I could to apologize for it without actually apologizing for it. (because, as I learned, people get really uncomfortable when you do that). I would head for a corner, I would sit down if it was an option so that I didn't take up as much of the space that the regular people needed to mingle, I would make myself as unobtrusive as possible. If there were throw pillows handy, I'd reach for one and cover as much of myself as I could with it in a further attempt to hide.
This week -- in several different situations with several different groups of people -- I did not feel like that. I felt -- normal. And normal felt spectacular.
I am still big. I am definitely still on the bigger side of normal. I am not at anyone's goal weight or goal size, including my own.
I no longer feel like I need to be relegated to the sidelines of -- anything.
It must be the straight size clothes.
I'm still a big girl -- but I'm in the game.
I'm hoping to be at a new goal next year (next month, next week, tomorrow...) -- more muscle, less fat.
THAT has been my goal all along. BOTH parts of it. I don't want to be thin. I want massive muscles. I want to be wicked strong.
For now, though, I'm on the big end of normal.
And coming from where I've been, that feels better than, to paraphrase the old dieting motto, any holiday treat tastes.
Happy Holidays indeed.
Or perhaps I should say, Spectacularly Normal Holidays.