Woo and Might I Add a Hearty Hoo

I lost weight on my vacation.

Somewhere in the neighborhood of 4.5 pounds.

I am astounded and thrilled.

That should not have happened. 

I ate weird.

I worked out light.

And yet.

Perhaps this is another lesson learned -- or a continuation of the one I've been learning. The rest and the indulgences are an integral part of the plan. All work and no play not only makes Tammy a dull girl, it makes her a girl who sticks at plateaus too long. A carbalicious treat, a lighter workout, a skipped workout -- as long as they're used sparingly -- can provide the push that is needed to get over a bump in the road.

This isn't supposed to be about the weight.

It isn't supposed to be about the scale.

But it sure is nice when things move in the direction you want them to.

It sure is nice.

Head, Shoulders Knees and Toes

Vacations do not provide a nurturing environment for a fit lifestyle. 

I suppose that's ok -- a little indulgence can be a good thing. A little bread with my dinner (twice!), baked potato (once) and cheesecake (once -- and 4 of us split it) does not necessarily point to the end of healthy eating. I could've done a little better -- I could've done a lot worse.

As for exercise? I took the work out of workout and made it fun. While I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with that, I also know that it was not as effective as what I'm used to. Again -- no big deal. One week out of my life, and I didn't totally slack off -- I just relaxed a little bit.

These are not bad things, although my body is craving a return to a more serious plan. 

My body is craving that.

But my head almost gave up yesterday.

And an awful lot of fitness is in the head.

This is not the most flattering picture ever taken of me, but I like it -- I think there's a lot of  ME in it.

My head got buff way before my body. I think like a weight-lifter, even though I still look like a fat frumpy middle-aged suburbanite. I mean, I WENT THERE in my head. That manifested as an increase in confidence that made almost every aspect of my life better. 

But...

When I relaxed this week, I got a few glimpses of myself as I actually am rather than as I have begun to envision myself. And those glimpses, along with the lax atmosphere, played in my head and flirted with the idea of giving it all up. I wanted a cocktail on a patio. I wanted a big-ass slice of pizza (or 3). I wanted fudge and taffy -- beach food. I wanted to put my damn oysters on a cracker. People do those things. Normal sized people do those things. Why couldn't I do those things?

The answer is, of course, that I can. I am an adult living in a free country with an income -- if I want a martini or a pizza or a whole damn cake, I can have it. But I can't have it and be normal sized. And that is just not frickin' fair. But I guess it's all a trade off. I looked at those normal sized people indulging in those things and realized that - while they can have a treat and remain normal sized, there are trade-offs they're making in other areas of their life. Nobody gets a free ride -- even the people who look like they do.

So I reminded myself of how far I've come by buying far too many clothes. I shopped in stores that were not available to me a year ago. I shopped anywhere I wanted. And I shopped a lot. I spent what I would have spent on food and booze on clothes. 

And that was probably good (although not spending the money at all would have been arguably better).

But I am still so large.

Still very very large.

And I would've said fuck it. if I hadn't been reminded, in a dressing room one day, of my shoulders.

My shoulders are the only body part that have actually visibly changed due to my weight lifting. I can feel the muscles in my arms and legs, but they are still obscured beneath a lot of fat. When and if that melts away..... The muscles are definitely there -- but you're just going to have to take my word for it because they haven't made a public appearance yet. My shoulders, though... I love the way my shoulders look. They didn't look like this before. This is a change that I made happen. I did this. I built these shoulders. And they rock. What if I gave up and started eating and drinking again and I lost these shoulders? No. I think I love these shoulders more than I love pizza. Or booze. Or even cupcakes.

And then there are the knees.

I have degenerative arthritis in my knees and I have a lot of intermittent pain because of this. This pain is one of the things that held me back from exercising for a long time -- I didn't want to exacerbate it. But the damndest thing -- weight lifting didn't make it worse -- it made it better. Not -- like -- fixed it, healed it, made it ALL better -- but comparatively better. I strengthened the muscles around those joints and that lead to less pain. 

photo: http://toneandfit.wordpress.com/2012/08/09/squats/  - this is closer to what I look like on the INside

So. Awesome.

Toes? Well, toes don't really come into play much. But they're part of the song. So here's a picture of mine beside my innovative kettle bell substitute. 

Wet sand kettlebells, lots of steps (I'm on the 10th, gym is on the 15th, coffee is on the 2nd) and walks in the soft sand, sometimes against the wind... not a great permanent plan, but it'll do for vacation.

Also -- I guess walking barefoot in the sand causes ones toes to grip, thereby putting a little stretch on the calves. So -- yay toes.

I won't give up. Not today. I'll keep it up for my head, shoulders, knees and toes (knees and toes). 

Gym Rats and Beach Bums

For weeks leading up to my vacation I worried -- what effect was being away from home -- and my gym -- going to have on my fitness progress? I considered buying a weekly membership at a local gym, but my mother assured me that there was a great workout facility in her condo. I had my trainer help me out with some workouts that didn't rely too heavily on equipment and I approached my week off without a care in the world.

When we got here, I immediately went to the exercise facility to get the lay of the land. It was a bad lay. Pretty, pristine, well-maintained -- but no substance.

Sumbitch.

I texted my trainer in a minor panic. I could've made due for a weekend -- but for 10 days? I didn't like to think about how far backwards that might take me. She came through, of course. Because there is ALWAYS something you can do. No excuses.

One plan she wrote for me was a beach workout.

Are you picturing something like this?

photo: http://www.sunlightfitness.com/home/folly-beach-personal-trainer/

Because I totally was. And this is hot.

But I look like this.

So I approached it with a little trepidation.

People thinking of this came to mind.

photo: http://www.dnainfo.com/new-york/20121226/breezy-point/beached-whale-found-breezy-point

But I gave myself a good talking to. For Pete's sake. I've come so far. So I don't have a beach body. Doesn't mean I don't deserve to workout on the beach. Today was gonna be the day. Just do it.

I donned a long sleeved T-shirt and a hoodie -- because the folks on the local news were making it sound like it was going to feel like the tundra out there and those were the warmest things I'd packed -- and headed outside.

I started out walking -- then sideways walking and backwards walking -- squats -- pushups -- squats with leg lifts -- always walking between each set.

My training partners were only slightly less shrill and obnoxious than Jillian Michaels. And way more charming. Though considerably less helpful than my own beloved trainer. Eh. You take what you can get.

Did people notice me? Did they think I looked foolish? I have no earthly idea, and -- what's more -- I couldn't care less. Could. Not. Care. Less. Because it wasn't for them, it was for me. And it was awesome.

Change is Good

Things have been changing fast 'round here.

I mentioned the health problems my trainer was having. Well, they provided a wake up call and she has made some changes in her life -- her story to tell, not mine. But it affected me. She has taken a day job and is either cutting waaaaaaay back on her training, if not cutting it out altogether.

She said she wanted to continue with me -- and I believe that she does want to -- but as she was describing the changes in her life I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. She wants to continue, but it's just not going to happen.

What the hell was I going to do?

I contacted her -- expressed my concerns -- and proposed a solution. I had been lifting with her 3 times a week and on my own 1 time a week and just doing cardio 2 days. Sunday I either do nothing or do something just for fun -- like a bike ride or a hike. I was starting to feel like I wanted more -- I was ready for a change anyway. So I asked her to map out a schedule that involved 6 days of lifting -- that she could tell me what body part or parts to work on each day and give me a couple sample workouts and then -- when she was available to train me, she'd know what body part or parts were due next and when she was not available I would never have to worry that what I chose to do would conflict with something she had planned.

She took it one better.

She wrote me actual workout plans for the week and has promised to do so every week. She will work with me when she can, but when she can't I'll know just what to do. I just completed my 4th day of the 1st week with this new system and I have to say -- wow.

I have been able to give myself a really challenging workout each day. I push myself to failure on at least one muscle/muscle group every day and I am really feeling it. And it feels good. It feels like it did when I first got started.

She didn't work with me at all this week, and next week I will be on vacation -- continuing my workouts in the gym there -- but I know next time we do manage to get together she will be pleased with me. Her plans are well-written and well thought out and I am following them to the letter. The change in her life DID result in a change in mine as well -- but we have managed to make it a change for the better.

I have never felt stronger than I do today (though I suspect that tomorrow I might feel just a little bit stronger).

Righteous.

Take What You Need...

... need what you take.

Some facsimile of that platitude is posted at every all-you-can-eat restaurant. The same theory is at play with the take a penny/leave a penny cups at the registers at most convenience stores and gas stations.

It makes sense.

My trainer -- a young and extraordinarily fit woman -- had a heart cath over the weekend. I spoke to her husband this morning and he said she expected to be back to training mid-week next week. I told him -- and meant it quite sincerely -- that she should take whatever she needs -- that her recovery is certainly more important than my (and, I assume, her other clients') training. She needs to rest and take care of herself and follow her doctor's orders and recover.

Take what you need.

But she also DOES need to get back to work and to her own training as soon as she is able. And that does not necessarily mean that she needs to wait until she is 100%. How many of us put off any number of things because we're not 100%? It is not an all-or-nothing game. If she feels 50% recovered and exerts 50% of her previous effort -- that is 100% made of win.

Need what you take.

On a much smaller scale, this refers to what I wrote about yesterday -- I needed a little rest after my bout with stomach flu. I do not feel 100% today. But I feel a lot better. I went to the gym and I gave it what I had. I have had better workouts, no doubt. But what I had was better than nothing. Way better. I took what I needed, I gave it what I had. I can't ask more of myself.

Another point that this raises: she is such a great trainer, that I will be able to proceed without her. Of course I prefer working with her. I work harder and heavier with her -- partially because of her encouragement and confidence, but mostly because I know that she is spotting me. If I overextend my limits I won't get hurt. But she has not taught me dependence. She has given me the tools that I need and I'll be ok while she takes what she needs.

And I know she needs what she takes.

Maybe

Maybe I could've gone to the gym today.

I didn't.

Maybe I could've gone to work today.

I didn't.

I was wicked sick yesterday and -- although I feel a lot better today -- I am giving myself time to recover.

I am reminding myself of my goals -- to be healthier and feel better. To be stronger. Yesterday I was too weak to climb the stairs without needing a little nap to recover. Today I am stronger than that.

Tomorrow maybe I will go back to the gym.

Tomorrow maybe I will go back to work.

Tomorrow maybe I will go back to normal.

Today I will recover and maybe even baby myself a little bit.

Because my training has never been about a specific goal.

It's about being stronger every day.

It's about learning moderation.

I wrote about how the "cheat day" is an important and integral part of the eating plan. I don't need or want a "rest day" from exercise every week. But maybe -- one or two now and then -- is just what my body needs.

I needed to rest today.

Tomorrow, maybe I will be fierce.

Today? I will take another nap.

And maybe that's just what I need.