Like Riding a Bike

I had to take my health evaluation for our insurance this week. It is a ridiculously sucky procedure that I dread every year, but it only takes a few minutes and we get a break just for doing it. So it's an absolutely necessary evil. Usually when anyone in any sort of authority sees my weight, they hit me with a goal of losing about 130 pounds. Good Lord. I can't lose 130 pounds. That's a whole person. That's insane. That's just too much and it's too hard. But this evaluation suggested that I try to lose 60 pounds this year. 60 pounds by this time next year. That's a goal that sounds reasonable to me. And I really am tired of lugging all of this around. 60 pounds by this time next year and they'll say, "Good job! Goal reached!" You know, right before they set another goal... but still...I'm keeping my eye on that number - not the much more difficult to attain 130.

I can't exercise (post surgery) for another 2 weeks. I can walk now, but I fatigue pretty quickly. I still might try to go to the park some afternoon this week. Take it slow. Rest on the benches if I need to. Maybe don't try for the full 4 miles right away. Baby steps, baby steps.

But there's nothing to stop me from dieting right away. Tom wants to be healthier. Liv wants to be healthier. Lea will be eating a lot of cereal and PBJ's, because she has no desire to be healthier at all. Even as I was planning the menus and shopping list for the week, I could hear her saying, "Oh, GROSS!!!" She'll have to get used to it.

I know I'm not supposed to say 'dieting'. I'm supposed to say 'lifestyle change'. I wish I could see it that way. But it feels like a diet. So far. One day in. That decadent - eat anything you want because you're already fat so what's gonna happen plus this is how you are and people need to accept that - attitude is - well hell - it's pretty liberating. I loved looking at a menu and choosing what I wanted rather than what I thought I ought to have.

So.

Day one.

We went out for lunch. I perused the menu for the healthiest item. It was good. It was even filling. But I wanted a cheeseburger with guacamole. So I didn't leave the restaurant hungry (by any means), but I left it feeling deprived. Not a very good first step. But it was surprising how easy it was to remember little things like slowing down and having a sip of water between each bite. (Ok, Diet Coke, but I'm making no apologies for that. I only have it when we're out and I knew I wasn't getting out for another week. That's a legitimate thing, in my book. That's my logic and I'm sticking with it.)

After lunch and a couple errands, I made a menu and a shopping list. I have an arsenal of healthy cookbooks. The panic in Lea's eyes when I pulled them out as a group during menu planning was palpable. I tried to choose things that were high taste. I took two meals from the Fast Food Fix cookbook, which is a godsend. She MIGHT eat those two, anyway. But I made sure there was PB and cereal.

I looked at my grocery list with SO MANY items on it and thought, shit, I'm gonna go way over my weekly budget on this stuff that I'm just gonna hear complaints about every day and that is gonna suck big. But you know what? I was just a smidge over budget. Not bad at all.

When the bag boy helped me load my groceries into my trunk, he said I looked like a great cook. First impulse? "What the hell does THAT mean? Girl packs a couple extra (people's worth of) pounds on and you make assumptions?" Thank goodness I didn't say that, because he was referring to the sheer volume of fresh produce. He asked what I was making with a few of the items I had and said it sounded really good. I wish he was gonna be at my dinner table, because I doubt my family will share his enthsiasm. Tom might. He'll try, anyway. He knows it's good for us. And he's been trying harder than I have to make good choices for the past couple weeks.

I know how to do this.

I know aesthetics are important. A pretty presentation goes a long way towards making one feel less deprived. Drink that water from crystal rather than a tumbler and it's a treat to look forward to. Take the extra step to make the plate look pretty. Garnish.

I know all of this.

I can do this.

It's like riding a bike.

Which is another thing I'll try to do in a couple weeks.

Breakfast time. Good bye pancakes with real maple syrup. Hello oatmeal.

Sigh.

Ritual de lo Habitual? Hope So

Hubs and I did a neighborhood walk this morning. I think perhaps something on the news lately has him worried about heart attacks at 50...

I hope we can make it habitual.

I love walking with him!

How cool is that?

We both were tired and a little sore. From a little neighborhood walk.

How lame is that?

heat and humidity and bugs - oh my!

I've been walking every day since we've been in Florida. And it's hot as blazes. Here's hoping it's a habit that will follow me home...

Water You Gonna Do About It?

Well, I talked myself out of a diet and I'm glad. It's not something I want to do to myself again. The effects of yo-yo dieting have already taken a terrible toll, and I don't want to make things worse. You always think things couldn't possibly get any worse right before they do.

What I DID do was go to the Y. Yay. I swam laps. When I couldn't swim anymore, I held onto the side and did some conditioning. Then I swam some more. To keep things symmetrical and all. Then I had a little soak in the hot tub. Because I reckoned I'd earned it.

I was almost too exhausted to drive home.

My muscles hurt; my knees do not.

Awesome.

I need a new bathing suit...

Good Grief

So I decided enough is enough.

Things need to change.

I don't want to accept myself anymore as I am - I reject myself as I am.

I am going to start eating better and exercising more. This is silly.

I'm going to Weight Watchers tomorrow (I think).

It's time.

I went to the grocery store and bought some good healthy food.

A baby step in the right direction.

And I am starving.

I haven't even changed any habits yet and I already feel so deprived, physically and emotionally.

Maybe I don't need WW or a gym or a trainer - maybe I need a shrink.

Because that is wrong and it sucks.

Please, Mom!

I had intended to go back to the Y yesterday. And last Monday. And I think the Monday before that... Just haven't been able to find my way. Tonight the girls asked if I'd take them. More specifically, Lea asked if I'd take them because her beau was going to be there and she wanted to show off her new bathing suit. Good Lord help us all.

But I really needed, even kind of wanted to go.

And the morning thing isn't working out - I get so caught up in my morning routine, and that isn't part of it any more.

So we went.

The girls swam and I headed to the gym alone and feeling like a slug.

I did 20 minutes on the recumbent bike and that was it. Don't judge, that's more than I've done in over a month. I would've liked to hit some weights, but there are too many boys there at night. Hopefully we'll go a couple times and light a fire under my butt and I'll start wanting to go in the morning when it's less crowded. I hate cardio. I love weights. If I don't allow myself to do what I love, this will never last.

Yo, yo, yo!!!

It's been awhile. Did you miss me? I think I may have missed you.

I haven't made it back to the gym since the downward spiral began. And weird things have happened with my body. I haven't gained much weight - according to the scale - maybe a pound or two - but I look completely different and none of my clothes fit properly. I am lumpier than I've ever been in my life, and those are not just slightly depressed musings.

So what is the answer?

The obvious answer is to get myself back to the gym - even if it's just to walk 1/2 mile - 1/4 even - something.

But things are rarely as obvious as they seem.

The whole yo-yo dieting thing - lose 50, gain 75 back - does it work that way with exercise, too? If you get something going, then slack off for just a couple weeks, does it put you even further behind than you were when you started? For me this seems to be true.

I suppose the next obvious answer would be, "then don't slack off". But here in the real world, stuff happens. Obligations pop up. Better offers come along. No progress gets depressing. Making a daily commitment is - not realistic.

I don't want to be like this. I am really appalled, actually. I can't believe this is me. It's very very bad.

Anything I start will be put on hold when this surgery is (finally!) scheduled. But I reckon it's not a good idea to put off starting something till after it's over. It could be a couple months.

But the yo-yo effect! What if .....

Crap.

I'm walking tomorrow, if not today.

I need to.

The Spiral Continues Downward

I read this story in a woman's magazine years ago. It may have been short fiction, it may have been a true story. It doesn't matter. It's hung around on the back shelf of my brain for a good number of years. It occurred to me today with startling vividness in a dream. (Yes, I was dreaming toDAY. Stop being so judgy - you'd nap in the afternoon if you could, too.)

The story was about a woman who was hitting mid-life. She was chubby, but not fat. Not like me. Her husband was not turned on by her anymore. Not like me. (Or so I'm often told!) She went to the gym to become more attractive to her husband. And she liked it. And three times a week for an hour turned into five times a week for an hour turned into six times a week for two hours turned into - well, you get the idea. The weight fell off and her muscles began to develop definition. And she dug it. At first her husband was pleased to see the results. She was looking good. But he didn't like the time commitment that she was making to it. She didn't care what he liked, she was hooked on the intoxicating feeling of developing muscles. And develop muscles she did. Soon her muscles started becoming large rather than defined. She was spending several hours in the gym every day now. Hubs was not amused and did not find the growing muscles attractive. She started thinking about body building competitions. He started thinking about a divorce. She decided if it was a choice between her muscles and her man, she'd keep her muscles.

Do you suppose there's some deep seated fear that this would happen and I sabotage myself so it won't (on accounta adoring my husband)? Or do the FA folks have it right and I really just am what I am and it really is as hard to make a skinny person fat as it is to make a fat person skinny?

I am having an increasingly difficult time accepting myself as a fat woman. I want to be a slim woman. I would LOVE to be a muscular woman. When cooler heads prevail, I know I need to work on accepting who I am and making that the best me I can be. But sometimes... sometimes when I dream...

Stupid things. I would love to have a beautiful family portrait, but you can't have a beautiful family portrait with a fat person. You sure as HELL can't have one with a fat woman. It's such a stupid simple thing to want. I want to look nice in clothes and to buy them because I like the color and the style, not because "they'll probably fit". I'd like to show my arms. I'd like a visible clavicle. I'd like I'd like I'd like...

I don't WANT to exercise if I can't have all of that. It's not asking for the freaking moon!

Pfffft.

Because It's Not ALL Optimism and Good Job...

Yeah, well, it was a good run. It took a couple few weeks before I got to this inevitable place. I know this place well. I spend a lot of time here. I'm thinking of buying a little condo here, so I'll be more comfortable when I visit.

This place is, of course, lethargy. There are plateaus on 3 sides of it - that's the route I usually take to get here, but this time I skipped them.

I couldn't tell you specifically what caused this shift in motivation. I do know that my once healthy "I need to accept myself as I am" attitude is shot. Fuck that. I hate how I am. I want to be hot and if I can't be hot, I at least want to be normal for God's sake. Why is that too much to ask? That really shouldn't be too much to ask. And I want it. And I can't have it and that sucks.

I know I'm not making sacrifices right now. I eat pizza. And wings. And cheeseburgers. I don't indulge my sweet tooth often, but I do indulge it. Sigh. I do all of those things. So that means I'm weak and uncommitted and that I don't want it bad enough, right? Well, no it damn well does not. Because I DID give up all of those things. I gave up every damn thing that made me happy for such a long time and I still couldn't reach those goals. I was still shopping in the 'big girl' department and looking like a damn cautionary tale. Put down that slice of pizza, or you might end up looking like her...

So instead of responding to my new-old dissatisfaction with myself by re-doubling my efforts at the gym and starting to pay more attention to what goes in my body, I respond instead by - by giving in to 'sad' and wanting to crawl under a blanket and avoid the world. And even as I'm doing this, I KNOW it's the wrong thing to do. And yet... and yet...

It should be ok to resign myself to 'never being hot again'. I'm 46, for Pete's sake, how hot was I gonna be anyway? I'm old and I'm a mom and I'm menopausal. The bar for hot is set pretty low when you've got all that going on. And it shouldn't even matter! What value does 'hot' have, anyway? Oh, I know - plenty. I'm just trying to use feminist arguments to make myself feel better about myself. How's that going? Pretty terribly, thanks for asking.

I'll find my way back again. I always do. I love going to the gym. I just need to untangle it from this idea of a nice body/lower weight.

And, sigh.

Saturday in the Park

And today's fitness walk took place in the park. We didn't get far - just a little over a mile - but I will say I was willing to go further. It was probably good not to overdo it. I guess. I really just loved being outside with the whole family, holding hands with my sweetie.

I love this picture, because it is us and it was such a nice time. Don't have to tell you, I don't reckon, what I don't like about it. I debated posting it. Debated it a lot. I usually crop pics of myself or hide behind people or...well...you probably know the tricks. But this one makes me just a little more happy than unhappy. So I bravely posted it, both here and on Facebook. I fully expect to regret that... But if I'm going to preach the whole be who you be thing, then I best get used to who I be. And this is that. And that is ok.

And We Danced

Y'know, you read it and hear it over and over. It should not be a revelation. But exercise can be really fun. Not just the "I like going to the gym and I do enjoy a good burn" fun. I know that. I get that. But also the real, true, "I am just doing this for fun and exercise is a really cool bonus thrown in" kind of fun.

We had karaoke at the pizza shop last night.

Lea singing "My Immortal"

Shelby singing "A Simple Song"

As far as the business is concerned, it was a huge fail. But oh my sweet mother of God was it fun. We - and by we I mean a small group of friends and family - were the only ones there. It was like our private party. Everyone (but me - there are limits!) actually took the mike. Everyone danced. And I mean, we danced a LOT!

It was so fun and uninhibited - because we were among friends. At one point, doing a repetitive line dance, it actually FELT like going to the gym and doing a warm-up. Worlds collide.

Another thing that was super-cool was that boundaries were blurred. Age and size didn't matter. Girls just wanna have fun. I danced with my daughters and my sister and our friends with equally wild abandon. Put your hands in the air like you don't care. There was a lot of laughing, but every bit of it was laughing with, not laughing at. Ok, maybe the boys behind the counter were laughing at. But if you're living your life in a way that is not amusing to silly 16 year old boys, you're living it wrong. Raise the roof.


I bonded with my daughters (they won't soon forget last night), I worked my body a little (tired and deliciously sore) and I just had one helluva lot of fun. How much more win can a night be? (and the answer is: none.)

Awesome.

I Think the Scale is Broken

See? See how fast that was? I was up one pound. Then when I got off and it was empty empty empty it didn't go back to true zero. So I said , "hah!!! the scale needs to be re calibrated!" Which may or may not be true. What bothers me is that it bothered me.

Grrrr.

Good class - small. Bobbi is very friendly and I like that. Starting to be friendlier with other regulars in the class too. Getting to be social as well as fun. Just in time to quit for six weeks...

I want this operation - I do. I've wanted it for a long time. I know it's necessary. I really believe it will help. But six weeks to recover? I don't want that at ALL!!!

I repeat, Grrrr.

Jenny, Jenny, You're the Girl For Me!

FINALLY got to meet and take a class from the much admired Jenny today. I've been hearing about her and her Tuesday classes since I started. I started on a Thursday. The following Tuesday she was sick, the following Tuesday I was in Myrtle Beach and last Tuesday she was in Florida. So finally today.

The class was fuller than it has been - apparently folks are very faithful to her and don't show up for a sub. (Again - Amy comparisons are unavoidable...) And I can see why. Girlfriend taught one helluva class. And it wasn't so much that she kicked my ass (Old Sue still gets the prize for that!!!) it was that she was just a really good instructor. She walked around before class and said hello to everyone she did know and introduced herself to those she didn't. She offered modifications - both higher and lower - for almost every exercise. She walked around the class and checked our form. She was really interested in seeing that we not only did it, but did it right. I liked her a lot.

Nice total body workout, again. Followed by a super nice soak in the jacuzzi which is finally fixed. My knees screamed "THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!" so loudly I was afraid the ladies taking water aerobics in the pool might hear them.

The bad news, of course, is that the doc is finally thinking what I've been thinking for years, which is: I need a hysterectomy. This involves a 6 week recovery period. I'm just starting to get into the swing of things and I have to take 6 weeks off followed by a slow re-entry period. It's cool, I'll do what I can till then - I'm told the better shape I'm in the easier recovery will be. So I'll never look good in a bikini again... (you better be laughing with me and not at me). Not sure when the surgery will be exactly, yet, but my doc (and I) do feel that it's inevitable.

Also - I know, I know, I know, but I got on the scale and am down 4 pounds from the beginning. Without really watching diet at all. So that is very slow and steady and painless. But I don't want to talk about weight! I don't! I really really don't!!! (but I was sort of thinking if I was down 10 or so before surgery, that wouldn't be the worst thing in the world...) Man - trying not to make it about weight truly is the hardest part. I knew it would be.

Inventory

Class with Bobbi yesterday. 'Twas a good one. Serious ab work - I couldn't make it through.

This mornings inventory: legs sore from back of knees to top of butt (awesome); abs not as sore as I expected, considering how quickly I fatigued yesterday; arms - nuthin'; back tired but not sore per se. I'm glad about that. Sore legs and abs rock, a sore back sucks.

Weight - essentially unchanged. Not my goal, not my goal, not my goal...

Tuesday and Thursday classes have become pretty much ingrained in my routine, but everything else is sort of catch as catch can. Definitely not a daily habit yet. But 2X a week solid is better than 0X a week, right? When Tom's schedule calms down (another month!!!) maybe the girls and I will get better at going in the evening. For now, what I'm doing is working out ok. I need to start incorporating daily cardio, but, yuck, y'know? But it really has to be done. Alternate between stationary bike and elliptical. That will be relatively kind to my old knees.

It's New! It's Better!

So after yesterdays workout I have an almost imperceptible burn in my abs and my glutes. The glutes is kind of perpetual, so I barely really notice it unless I think about it.

I guess what I'm saying is that I do not have a good satisfying burn and I think I know why.

The instructor was very excited about doing "new things". I get that. It's nice to shake things up - to keep them from getting too routine and boring. To shock and surprise your muscles a little bit. I think what happened yesterday, though, was that she got so caught up in the bells and whistles that she lost track of the whole thing. Simple crunches were embellished with a lot of extra little "and at the same time do this, this and this". I was way more concerned about trying to follow all of these new rules than I was about actually engaging my muscles. In other words: she made it a lot harder than it had to be. And it wasn't as effective.

I hope I see Old Sue again soon... simple exercises, lots of reps, super sore.

ETA: the following morning (almost 48 hours later) slight burn in LOWER abs - a spot in which I'm unaccustomed to feeling the burn... Could I have - once again - judged too quickly?

Fat Tuesday

So on a day devoted to indulgence, I did not skip the gym. Don't bother patting me on the back, I'm doing a fine job of that myself. Another new teacher - she was tough. Reminded me a little of Amy (sniff! Amy!). Really could've used the hot tub today. The hot tub is out of service. Really? REALLY?? Pfft.

I did have a little treat for breakfast, though - real maple syrup on my pancakes. Even Liv had some - and she usually eats her pancakes dry. It was really good - it's been a long time. Liv said we should get this all the time. I think not. Cost twice as much for half as much. But wait. Ok. So it's a treat - an indulgence. Pancakes ought to be an indulgence. So maybe I SHOULD buy it all the time. Something to think about, I suppose.

Lasagna for dinner.

Thinking Greek for lunch.

So I guess it's a GOOD thing I went to the gym...cause maybe it's a sort of indulgent day after all...

Another note - when I arrive for class in the room of mirrors, I don't hate how I look standing there. That changes, of course, once other people start filtering in and I have a basis for comparison. It changes even more when I start to actually move. Something to think about. Or maybe not.

Happy Fat Tuesday!

Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy

Class was a little easier today, but I think I'm glad because I was dead tired. Enjoyed the jacuzzi. I think some of my classmates have talked me into trying a spin class.

And in case inquiring minds want to know - since joining the Y (and with a vacation in between) I lost 3 pounds. But I'm not obsessing or anything. I swear.

One more thing: I've worked with several instructors here so far. All good. All different. But I find it interesting - and a little distressing - to listen to their - I don't know what you call it - encouraging banter. One kept talking about bikini season and how great you'd look in a bikini when it was all over and how it was worth it to get those bikini abs and bikini bikini bikini. Which made me want to roll my eyes and flick her. Another talked about everything you could eat and or burn off with this workout. Now you can go get that cheeseburger/pizza/ice cream... I don't really have a point to make with all of this, except that it does make it hard for me to maintain the "I'm just doing it for my health" attitude when I keep being told that it really IS all about losing weight and food and looking hot. It isn't, is it? I really don't want it to be. Despite mentioning pounds lost above. I really don't want that.

Damn you Old Sue!!! I would be shaking my fist in the air if I could raise my arm!

Judgy McJudgerson

Well, for someone who claims being open-minded as a major part of their being, I sure can make some snap judgments.

I went to my muscle conditioning class today and was a little taken aback when I saw the instructor. She was older with her gray hair cut in a practical short bob. She had a sturdy build. She had asked us to get WAY more materials than any of my previous instructors had asked us to get. I had a bad feeling. This was gonna be lame.

She started the class right on time (something none of the others so far have done). She led us through our warm-up with enthusiasm usually reserved for folks much younger than she. Then we got to the heart of the routine. And she kicked. Our. Asses. We had so many materials because she didn't want to leave any time for messing around between exercises. We did this, now we're doing this - put that down, grab this. The amount of reps she led us through was brutal! In 45 minutes she managed a GOOD total body workout. I am already sore, I can't imagine how I'm gonna feel tomorrow...

So I was feeling embarrassed for having made a snap judgment - and one that turned out to be so very very wrong. I started looking around the room. The woman with the nicest body (by societal standards) was using momentum rather than her muscles. Her form was awful. She also used the lightest weights and never once made it through a whole set of anything. The skinny little girl with the amazing arms? She traded her 3 pound weights in for 1 pound weights when we started doing serious bi/tri work. The other fat chick? Her form wasn't perfect, but her endurance was awesome. My form was pretty good, but I didn't always make it all the way through each set. Anyone looking at this group at rest would've gotten it all wrong.

I got it all wrong.

And I should've known better.

Going to bed tonight wiser than I was when I woke up this morning.

And I thought the Y was only gonna be good for my body...

I am sore from my shoulders to my knees. Love it!!! Also my left forearm, but I think that's due more to the broken arm + precipitation than workouts. That sore is not as fun.

Well THAT Didn't Take Long...

Yeah. I got on the scale. Not for the first time. And there was a 1 pound loss. And I liked it. This is what I was trying to avoid. But I don't know how to avoid it. Maybe being aware isn't so bad. As long as I don't become obsessed, it's ok, right? As long as I don't beat myself up if I don't see results or stop seeing results it's ok, right? Oh, man, who am I kidding? I want to lose weight and there's no way to put myself in a fitness situation and remain unaware of it. Shoot.

On the upside - EXCELLENT muscle conditioning class today. We had a sub named Stephanie and she was awesome. We really worked hard - I feel it already, so I can hardly wait to see what I feel tomorrow!

I spent a lovely 10 minutes alone in the whirlpool. Nice.

I also came to the realization that I'm gonna need a one-piece suit. Getting in and out of the tankini when it's wet is just too darn hard. Just getting from the locker room to the jacuzzi and/or pool isn't going to be long enough to chafe... I imagine it will look rather awful. But I don't think I look particularly cute struggling with the wet sports bra lining of the one I have, either. It's gonna have to be done.

Pyramid Scheme

After dinner I was sitting on the couch knitting and watching TV and pretty much settled in for the night when both girls started asking when we were going to the gym. I LOVE having workout partners! This rocks so hard! I don't remember the last time anyone told ME it was time to go the the gym!

Since they pleased me so much, I introduced them to my favorite all-time gym activity - leg press pyramids. I ROCKED those bad boys (as I tend to do, if I say so myself) and both girls were impressed, which was totally encouraging. They both did pretty well, too, but Liv needs to work on her form a little, I think, because when she showed me where the burn was, it wasn't in the right place. I'll have to watch her more carefully next time.

We couldn't get 3 cardio machines in a row, so we just walked around the track. We only did 1/2 mile. But something good came of it! Liv said she could actually see now how walking could actually be a challenge. She wants to walk in races with me! I am so excited to have a potential partner for that - I haven't since the girls were babies and I walked with Wendy and Trish - and I think it will be a lot more fun - maybe even easier.

Swimming and Biking and Writing - Oh My!

The girls wanted to go the the Y today so they could swim. They invited their cousin to join them. Not big on swimming that doesn't result in me with a tan, I opted to go to the gym after they took their "deep water" tests. I rode the stationary bike for 20 minutes - I am working myself up slowly to 45 minutes of cardio. Baby steps, baby steps. I got off and walked, but probably only about 1/4 mile. It was just a cool down - and I was anxious to get back to the pool. I used the rest of the time while they swam to noodle around in a journal. Because 3 blogs just don't give me enough opportunities to gaze at my navel.

Lea made me a killer workout mix for my ipod. She is dragging me kicking and screaming into the 21st century. The upside is that she knows how to sniff out the dirty guitar licks I love. The bad news is that they're accompanied by some pretty nasty lyrics that I'm not real comfortable with my daughter listening to. A mild conundrum.

ALso - the big gals were out in full force - both in the gym and in the pool. I know it's wrong, but that made me feel so much more comfortable.

Hello, Old Friend!

Woke up this morning to a delicious burn in my abs and glutes. I've worked up a burn in the glutes through just generally living, but I haven't had a burn in my abs since I stopped going to the gym last time and it feels AWESOME!!!

First Class

So I loved it so much I went back this morning. I walked 1/2 mile (Shut up. It was just a warm-up, and I only even did THAT because I had a little time to kill before TAKING MY FIRST CLASS!!!) I took a Muscle Conditioning class with Bobbi, and I gotta tell you - I liked it! Anytime I've ever taken any sort of conditioning class before, it's always felt like aerobics with a little bit of resistance thrown in. But this one? We actually spent the full 45 minutes on conditioning. I loved it! I stayed after and talked to Bobbi about modifications to work around the arthritis, and she was very open and helpful. The class was small (as you would expect a 10:30 am weekday class to be) and diverse (as you would expect the Y to be). Loved it, I tells ya!

After that, I took a 10 minute soak in the hot tub. All my muscles and joints were so happy!!!

It's All Good

Well hells bells, last night was the first night at the gym and this morning I find myself eating a healthy breakfast at a reasonable time. Now there is nothing wrong with that. That is, actually, a very good thing. My usual weekday breakfast is: skip breakfast and have a late lunch when I finally get hungry around 3 and snack my way through till dinner. Horrible. So I'm glad I'm doing a good thing. But I'm not as proud as I should be - I'm a little worried. Isn't the next step stepping on the scale? Celebrating every ounce lost and berating myself for every ounce gained? I don't want to do that. But I do want to keep going to the gym, and if that motivates me (instantly!) to start eating better... well... that's all good, right?

Oh, and just for giggles - and in complete defiance of the advice set forth, nee the very title concept addressed in No One Cares What You Had For Lunch: 100 Ideas for Blogging, the following was my breakfast menu:

2 eggs, scrambled with leftover imitation crab meat and a sprinkling of Monterrey Jack, cooked in just enough butter to coat the pan, 1 slice whole wheat toast, and an orange.

Doesn't that sound yummy? Way yummier than skipping? (ok, I know imitation crab isn't universally appealing, but I love it. And it isn't imitation fish - it's some sort of cheap fish, just not crab. And it doesn't taste at all like crab, but I always thought it tasted pretty darn good.) So silly - the skipping habit. And so bizarre that when you eat healthy you get to eat yummy stuff ALL DAY LONG and when you eat unhealthy the way I did, you eat constantly for about 2 hours - usually stuff that is not all that yummy - convenience becomes more important.

So, good, good, good. Except how can I possibly live so good and not lose weight? Remind me: because it feels good and it tastes good.

SITUPS ARE AWESOME!!!

Ok, when I was at the gym, we were working out (like you do when you're at a gym) and I said, "Mom, can I go do situps!" I did 20 situps in 1 minute!!! I love situps! and House, but that's another story.

i like to run

Running is really fun. On the elliptical I ran a mile in 8 minutes and 36 seconds and got up to 12 miles per hour but it only lasted like 1 second.

And it Begins

Tonight I begin the next leg in my journey to fitness and better health. I love going to the gym. An injury with an extended convalescence period forced me to quit, then finances made it difficult to rejoin. This month the planets aligned - the money and the motivation were both present. Tom bought a years membership to the YMCA for the girls and I. He couldn't be less interested. I wanted to join the Y rather than another gym, because they are the only gym close by that has a pool. And they have both an indoor and an outdoor pool, so our membership also gets us a membership to the pool in the summer! Woo hoo! I have painful degenerative arthritis in my knees and I've been told water exercise is the way to go.

Tonight both girls went with me and they loved it! We worked on the elliptical machines for 15 minutes (first night in! Didn't want to burn out!) then messed around on some of the nautical type stuff that I was comfortable with. Also did some free weights, but very conservatively.

My intent is to get my more serious workouts in in the morning and then go in the evenings with the girls and maybe take a couple classes or help them with their workouts (while getting an extra dose of cardio for myself!)

I'm hoping against hope that I can keep my perspective this time and not get caught up in weight loss - because that doesn't go well for me. I just want to get in better shape. I want to be strong and increase my endurance. I want to be healthier and feel better. Those are all very valid and - perhaps more importantly - attainable goals. Significant weight loss is not.

Wish us luck!